Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I'd like to dedicate this next post to a group of ladies. You know who you are...

hey sup wow ur smoking hot would u ever consider having a sugar daddy type relationship i would spoil u and could be very discrete

I'm trying to think of something witty to say about this, but all I can think of is "I'm not a prostitute."

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Plenty of F---

I've got this profile on Plenty of Fish that I created while suffering from a brain fart. I'm not really into the whole internet dating thing (I find it awkward and creepy), so I was going to delete my profile, but the high calibre of messages I've been getting keeps me from deleting it. I'd like to share some stories with you.

This gentleman deserves a backstory: Mike* was a guy I met through a mutual friend a couple years ago. It was a super casual thing (we only got together a few times) and after a few weeks or so I got a text message saying "We're too different of people with different interests so I don't think it's going to work." Somehow I'd managed to be dumped and we weren't even dating. I really wasn't heartbroken... At all. He would say or ask things where it was quite obvious he was trying to test me. Not cool.

Fast forward a few years and I get a message from Mike on POF. Here's how it went down:

Mike: Remember me? We should do it again for old time's sake what do you say?

Me: Uh... no. Don't remember you. (I remembered. I just didn't want to admit it)

Mike: Sorry, thought your name is LM... Maybe I'm wrong.

Me: It is. And you are...?

Mike: Lol Mike

Me: The same Mike that dumped me even though we weren't going out? Said we were too different of people. Aren't you getting married?

Mike: Lol. I was kidding about doing it again. I got dumped too. Shitty deal.

Me: I'm sure you were kidding... Sorry to hear about the dumping.

Mike: Meh. Shit happens. I just saw you and thought I'd say hi.

Me: Hi

Mike: Really, I'm not interested in anything with you. (Really?)

Me: Ouch. Bruise to the ego.

Mike: Lol. Id probably do it...I'm pretty horny right now lol!!! (Really??)

Mike: How was down under?

Mike: Got any weed? (Really???)

Mike: Actually, I'd probably do it a few times... (C'mon dude, REALLY???)

Me: Australia was good. Asia was better. After saying that you aren't interested in anything with me and then turning around saying you'd probably do it because you're pretty horny right now... yeah, big fat no. And no I don't have any weed.

Mike: I'm bored and lonely. Wanna come over for a glass of wine? (Seriously...)

Me: I'm sorry you're bored and lonely, but no, I don't want to come over.

Mike: Asia rocks. I'm toying with the idea of going back. Hey, no hard feelings. I just wasn't into that kid of relationship anymore. Sorry.

Mike: No hard feelings.

Me: No hard feelings at all...

Mike: Come on. We were buddies. You said it yourself. I didn't want that anymore. Don't blame you for telling me off though lol. I'm on the rebound so I'm just checking out what's up.

Me: Seriously, I don't care.

That was the last I heard from him. I saw him at a show the other night and he left soon after. Thank God.

*name has been changed to protect the guilty.